Sometimes you write a blog post after weeks of feeling brain-dead and exhausted and it takes hours to write because of the many, many interruptions that happen in the life of a mom and wife and it takes real concentration and just a small glass of wine to finally finish. And then, even after years of use and faithfulness, the blogging platform has a moment and completely loses said post. I could have cried, lemme tell ya. I could have succumbed to the feelings of utter defeat.
But you know what? Instead, I chose to let it go.
Instantly I felt a thousand times better and like I somehow skipped ahead in the game, just completely bypassed the anger or frustration or whatever I was supposed to feel. It was great!
And then, I realized two things. First, I told myself to get up tomorrow (I had finished the post close to midnight) and write again. To keep at it. Keep writing. Never stop. I knew instinctively that in order to embrace this part of me, the creative side, I would have to be okay with loss now and then. Okay, lesson learned. Moving on.
The second thing was, Wow! I was changing! Even though the last several months, and in some ways years, have felt like a slow walk without arriving anywhere new…this wasn’t actually my reality. What was really happening was slow, yes, but a slow and steady move toward who I was called to be- who I’ve thought about and pictured myself becoming- this gradual changing of my character.
Do I want to be patient? Do I see myself as a leader? A true friend? A champion for others? Someone who chooses love? I see these labels in my head, like files in a folder, needing to be organized. But how much better is the love of God that his gentle Spirit guides me toward the areas I most need to work on in that moment? And yes, he is strong like a rock, but he is also ever moving forward, like a river that slowly changes the landscape around it with its quiet strength.
Where ever you are today, be encouraged that growth and change are happening, even if it seems slow (or non-existent.) Ask God to give you little glimpses into how he sees you- his excitement for your life and who you are becoming. Let your Creator and heavenly Father -who knows you best- connect with you in a way that you can get…he knows how to speak your language, because he made you that way.
And please check back and keep me accountable to keep writing! I appreciate you!